Challenge Your Sex Life: When Childhood Sexual Abuse Attempts To Steal Your Marriage Bed

Do you ever feel frustrated, ripped off, or overwhelmed that you do not enjoy sex like all the experts claim you can? Sex is more than the body, more than the emotions, more than the beliefs, and more than just the experiences. It is a combination of them all. When one aspect is marred or sabotaged, it has the potential to seep into the whole sexual experience. That is how childhood sexual abuse can impact your marriage bed. Yet, I am here to encourage you that you can take back what was stolen from you because of the sexual abuse. You can challenge the norm of your sex life!

I’ve come a long way in my own healing. This healing has happened mostly because I have worked hard at challenging my sex life. I want to share three challenges that have helped me find hope and healing, which in turn has been a great blessing to me, and I might add, to my husband.

Challenge The Guilt: Yep, I’ve been there more than once. I will be reading a very good book on how to enhance my sex life and then feeling just terrible that I cannot seem to get into the mindset or behavior that the book or article stresses will be a key to having a more vibrant and fulfilling intimate experience with my husband.

Don’t get me wrong. I really like the information that is given. I can even imagine myself being able to put into practice some of the suggestions. Yet, I must admit that there are times when I get stopped in my tracks. It just does not seem to go the way the book said it should. Numerous emotions flood my heart and there might even be times where I’ve been tempted to say, “Why bother?”

Don’t let guilt overrule you. No, perhaps you are not in a place in your life where sex with your husband is like the stories you are hearing other women are experiencing. But just be careful how you respond to that disappointment. You see, guilt breeds shame. Shame breeds retreating. Retreating breeds hopelessness and self-hate.

Ask God to help you put your struggles into perspective. Accept His grace to believe in yourself, in spite of this situation. Don’t allow guilt to demean you.

Challenge The Anger: This is not the same as suggesting you don’t feel anger for what happened to you as a child. The problem with letting anger reside in your heart and mind is that you become a victim to the impact of the trauma. Yes, you were victimized (and it is ludicrous to expect you to minimize this), but allowing anger to burn in your heart about the experience just deepens bitterness and helplessness.

Not only that, you can also become a hardened person, and often, will not even recognize it. I know more than one man who lives with a “cantankerous woman”. Yikes, l am saddened to admit I might have fit into that category at one time myself!

Instead of feeding anger, use it as your ally to motivate you to deal with the impact of the abuse.

Challenge The Comparisons: Ever thought or said, “Oh if only I could have a sex life like so and so says she has (or writes about). What is wrong with me that I can never measure up and be that kind of wife for my husband?” Stop right there. Comparing yourself to others is a formula for self-destruction. I think the principle in Galatians 6:4 teaches us that we should test our own actions against ourself, not against others.

So, instead of saying, “Why can’t I be like her?” or “Why can’t I respond like she says she does?” look at what you are doing now. Is your intimacy deeper and healthier than it has been in the past? Have you attempted to apply new or different principles to enhancing your response to sex? Yahoo! You are on the right path then.

Use what you read and hear others say as a tool to help you develop motivation towards a healthy movement forward, not as a yardstick of where you think you have fallen short of the mark. Besides, I can say with high certainty that no one got to, what they say is the pinnacle of their sex life, overnight. They had their own road to travel, and you have yours. Be okay with that.


web-230px_368px_UnHooked Front CoverOne thing I know for certain is that you must deal with the impact of your childhood sexual abuse if you desire wholeness. Sweeping it under the proverbial rug, minimizing it’s impact, or even refusing to acknowledge something had happened to you will not bring the healing you need. I have a desire to help you get “unhooked” from that past story and that is why I wrote “UnHooked! 7 Steps To Emotional Freedom”. This is a book that will help you walk through your healing so you can find freedom and live your best life possible. Check it out. It might just be the answer to the prayer you have been seeking God for!
Please feel free to post your thoughts, ideas or questions in this post. I would love to get your feedback.

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