6 Reasons Why It Is Hard To Set Boundaries

Why are we sometimes afraid or reluctant to set a healthy boundary for ourselves?  What gets in the way?  I have 6 reasons why I feel we might get stuck in the non-action mode. 

1.  We do not believe in ourselves.   We are told our value is based on our performance.  So since we each know our shortcomings, we do not believe we have the right to a healthy boundary.

2.  We do not know what we want.  Many of us have not planned out our life.  We just live it by default, hoping it will all turn out OK.  Some of us have trouble distinguishing between self-care and selfishness, making it impossible to act upon legitimate needs.

3.  We are afraid of what we might lose.   Face it, sometimes it seems better to “give in” then fight for something.  This can be especially true for those women who have been cornered into depending on others to meet their basic needs.  Many times the risk of losing the relationship seems more overwhelming than the present situation.

4.  It is hard work.   You bet it is!  It takes consistency, courage, and stamina to change a negative boundary into a positive one.  New boundaries do not change over night.  Others try to wear you down.  Circumstances seem insurmountable.   The old saying that you don’t get something for nothing fits with the hard work it takes to build a new direction in your relationships and life.

5.  Afraid that others will get mad at you.  The thing is that there will be those who resist the changes you want to make.  If you change, inevitably they will need to respond, because your actions will impact them.  I liken it to a mobile… all the pieces have to move, even if they do not want to.   The bottom line is this… this is your life and you need to make healthy decisions for yourself, no matter what others say.

6.  You do not want to make a mistake.  Too many women are paralyzed by fear of making a mistake.  Inaction is a mistake in itself, yet that is often not recognized.  Nobody gets it right all the time.  Yet, if you determine to problem solve and search out wise advice, the potential for making mistakes is greatly lessened.

Do not allow yourself to be stuck in a rut of unhealthy boundaries in your relationships.  Take  ownership of your life.  Ultimately, you decide the path it will go.  I hope  it will be the best one possible.

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